Ed and Roy's Baby
by The Purple Bunny
Summary: Crackfic. Edward Elric and Roy Mustang have a baby, find who it is! Tonight on TNT.


Author's Note: Horray for the crack!!

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**Title:** Ed and Roy's baby  
**Rated: **T for Language  
**Summery: **Edward Elric and Roy Mustang have a baby, a _special _baby.  
**Disclaimer:** I don't own FMA, and I don't own a certain guest star here either…(Yes there's going to be a guest star…)

"DAMN IT!! IT FUCKING HURTS!!!" Our young blonde alchemist laid on the hospital bed, huffing and puffing, as it was time for him to give birth. It took exactly five nurses to hold him down.

"Please, calm down!" The doctor yelled,

"NO, FUCK YOU, YOU STUPID DOCTOR!!!" Edward grabbed two nurses by their hair and began to swing them around. "GAH!! COCK SHIT VAGINA FUCK TITS!! This is all your fault, Mustang!" He dropped the nurses, and shook his angry finger at his lover, Roy. Roy was standing in a corner, afraid to come forward because then the short alchemist might break every bone in his body. "I should've never let you touch me! I HATE YOU, I HATE YOOOOUUUU!!"

"I love you too!" Roy said, his voice shaking, it hurt him seeing his precious lover in so much pain.

"Uh…Doctor?" A nurse looked up from a sheet that was covering the lower half of Ed's body. "…Where is it going to come out? His dick?"

"Hm…I don't know…I never thought I'd get this far…" The doctor scratched his head, "Either the baby's going to come out of his butt hole or we are going to have to cut open his stomach and get it out from there."

"Ahh NO! I don't like knives!" Ed cried,

"Do you want that thing out or not!?" Another sharp pain struck Ed, his bones broke, and his muscles tore open. He let out another cry.

"Ok, ok! Fine! Do whatever you want, just get it out of mmmeeeeeeeee!!" Edward sobbed, and continued to throw the nurses around. Roy fainted. But by the end of it all, it was worth it, because the two of them had a pretty baby girl. Before you ask me where it came out, it came out his ass. No Emergency C section. There. But it did hurt like hell, you can be sure of that. (Imagine a garden hose, now imagine that same hose trying to squeeze a watermelon out of it…yeah…)

"Aww look, she's got my nose," said Roy, he poked his newborn baby girl's nose, but she didn't do anything cause she was asleep. Edward didn't say anything because he was passed out, the pain of giving birth was tougher and harder than the pain of him losing his arm and leg.

"Ed, wake up, WAKE UP!" Roy shook Edward furiously, "The baby wants to see you!"

"I don't wanna…go to school…" Ed mumbled, as he turned to his side, to ignore Roy. The awake new father stared at the sleeping one, when his new daughter began to cry. Oop! She was hungry…who was suppose to breast feed?

So the two of them had a baby girl, who they named…Destiny Hope Elric Mustang. They thought it was the most brilliant name they ever thought of, and they thought it was extremely pretty and suited her well. They loved her so much, but tragedy hit them after only four months. That was the time that Destiny Hope Elric Mustang was kidnapped!

A evil alien by the name: Billy Ray, came from the future, and from the other side of the gate. He took the baby girl from under Ed and Roy's nose, leaving them heart broken and speechless…but then they forget in about five minutes and live on the rest of their lives like nothing happen.

Anyway, Billy Ray took the baby girl, and took her back to the other side of the gate, back to his time. There, he decided to raise the little girl as his own. They both lived in their own little house, where he had a exciting career as a country singer! While writing his famous hillbilly songs, he had a GREAT idea. He watched 'his' little girl dance and sing, when he decided, that little Destiny Hope should be a famous singer too. Thus, her name being changed to Miley. Miley Cyrus.

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Author's Note(IMPORTANT): Ok, before any yaoi fangirls or Miley fangirls start flaming me, I have THIS to say to you…IT'S JUST A PARODY! Ok?? It's for the shits and giggles, that's why it's a CRACKFIC. So nobody take this too seriously, and start bitching about it k? But I do take mature criticism. If there's going to be bitching it will have to be about my writing skills and what I need to improve on, ok? ^_^;;

So THIS is the true past of Miley Cryus, WHO KNEW! Who knew that her real dad(dads) were Roy and Edward…WOOOWW~!! Haha, just kidding, yes I know Miley really isn't Ed and Roy's baby, again, it's just for the laughs. Good Night! I'm bored and I want to play my video games :)


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